Thursday, March 27
it's weird how long i've had this blog. and how much randomness is in it. and then there's my emo-ness from junior year that i don't think anyone read, thank goodness.
well, now i'm in college. crazy.
i just read a friend of mine's old blogs of venting similar to my super-emo ones, and they kinda describe how i'm feeling now.
i've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years [will be 2 yrs exactly in 6 days] but like. idk. we've broke up and got back together like twice. and then... well nevermind about that.. but idk.
i love him. i really do. but he's all i've ever had. all i've ever known.
sometimes i just want more.
i wanna experience other things. being single in college and doing whatever i want. not like, whore myself. but like, idk. sometimes i feel like he holds me back.
also, he's moving up here in the fall. same apt complex as me. which makes it difficult. he's moving up here basically for me. but i kinda wanna break up.
well, i should really be studying for my calc3 quiz that's in like an hour. blahhhh.
Friday, June 02
haha. i am such a loser. to like read my old blogs. i was seriously retarded.
and when i say was, i really mean am.
well. im doing better now. lol. lets hope so. but yeah. really happy with my boyfriend actually. most of the time. a little lately hes been weird, but i think were good. and im glad.
idk why im writing in here. oh well.
im going to bed. holleerrrrrr.
Sunday, December 11
blah.
Tuesday, December 06
mother fucker. i have a mother fucking boyfriend i cant do this shit. like i did last night with the other fucking ryan. gosh. like anything i do is gonna make anything better. its not. not while i have a boyfriend at least. shoulda fuckin said no. but i do like him. im just SOOOO FUCKING CONFUSED.... UUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH. i like too many fucking people. and i think i might like some more than my damn boyfriend. and i cant do that. to him. or to myself. but i dont know what else to do.. i think i like being single.... i feel like.. when im talking to him or holding hands with him or kissing him, its like cause i have to. not cause i want to. but i do want to. or i guess maybe i dont. I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT. AND I CANT STAND IT...
and i dont if im thinking like this because i just dont like him or because of "outside factors"... and damn those outside factors. one is fucking retarded. and the other i just dont know. and i cant take it. its driving me crazy. even if the answer is not what i want it to be, i need to know. i need closure. or else i will neve get over it.
and the other... is just impossible. for many reasons. but we help each other out. i like us as friends though. i wanna get closer. we get each other. and i like it.
maybe its like what i said before. maybe i should take my own fucking advice.
maybe it is what i want, and i just dont want it to be what i want. damn...
Sunday, November 27
i saw him. it was awesome.
but now its just gonna be worse. im gonna think about him more.
i am so mother fucking emo.
Saturday, November 26
holy. mother. i dont think anyone is funna read this. hott.
so, i thought everything was going really good. i was so happy. but now im questioning things. i dont like questioning. especially when the answers are not easy to acquire.
and whenever i tell or ask this one person something, they give me stupid answers or ask why. gggrrrrrrrrr. i just wanna know. so i can... i dont actually know what. UUGGGHHHHH. whatever. i dont care. i shouldnt care. i dont care.
im telling myself i dont care. but im a damn liar.
why do i care?!
and then i think i know the answer to that question. but i dont want it to be true. actually, i do. well. if he did, i would. but it doesnt matter what i want, because its nothing i have any control over. i try to tell myself its not true. not real. that i dont know what im talking about.
but, once again. im a damn liar.
i have a boyfriend. and i like him.
this time im not a damn liar.
but i am SO CONFUSED. peace <3
Wednesday, December 15
hmm..i wonder if anyone will read this...everyone has lj now so i doubt it. haha i could like write anythng about anyone and theyd never know it. lol kidding.... well if you read this please comment cuz i just wanna see if there is anyone who still does. gracias.
*sica
Thursday, May 27
i cant believe im actually writing in this..not like anyones gonna read it...i havent written since feb 4 but im at school and this is like the only site that works...im in photography and we just took the exam. tomorrow is the last day of school!!!! im so glad. and then this weekend is sunshine state games. after the meet im getting new wheels!! yay my wheels suck. theres a flat on the right outer back wheel all the way on the side of it from falling over and over doing outer back sits. and then june 11-17 is regionals and im gonna make it to nationals because in team theres 2 (but my partner is crippled) and in creative theres 3. in freestyle holy junk theres like 11 and its an elimination. anyways....well i gotta go and i probably wont write for like ever after this...
Wednesday, February 04
hello. today im not at school because im sick. wow. ohh sarah i found 10 things i hate about you, ill bring it tomorrow. actually im watching it. hehe.
well..when i was on beckys blog it said shes getting her permit. i can get mine in 10 months and 1 day. and thats sad. very sad.
but while i was figuring this out i realized that i only have 4 days left of practice before the meet. which sucks. i hope i do good though. this is the first real meet of the year. skating year. with national judges and crap. well i have to drive up there on friday the 13. dun-dun. haha. nice long boring drive with my boring sisters in a boring car. how exhilarating. and then when we get there lets guess? boston market. like always. and then i can drink the gravy. haha good times. except this time maybe my food wont get thrown on me. haha that was fun. right courtney!! haha.
yumm. easy mac. well i suppose ill go now. ttyl.
Sunday, February 01
praise the lord!!! its a glorious day!!!
estoy a la casa de aimee ahora...teehee. for you not so spanish speakers im at aimees. she told me to write so i am. hmm...last night becky, sarah, jess, liv and me spent the night at aimees house. it was fun. no bra. no panties. haha. then livi had to leave around 9 for church. were such good girls--at sleepovers we read the bible and sing jesus songs. haha that was great. jess left at "10 after 12" cuz her dads weird. sarah and becky left around 5 and im still here. aimees mom just brought us food. taco bell. yumm. how rude they forgot one of my tacos. tear tear
well super bowls on. GO PATRIOTS!!! haha. beck and sarah and aim want the panthers to win...losers. well as of now the patriots are winning. Yay!! haha not like i actually care but oh well.
sorry my blogs not as exhilirating as other peoples. i just never have anything to write. ohh well youll survive. haha
hmm...well i dont know what else to say...okay bye
Friday, January 16
yoyoyo..right now im at becky and sarahs...im talking to courtney on beckys sn...nothin much else to say..
well for all of you that tell me to write more...ehem aimee..i probably wont right anymore unless im REALLY bored...just to let you know..so yeah ...well i posted so you cant say anything now...well ttyl byebye
Monday, January 05
wow..im bored..i have nothing to say but aimee keeps telling me to write...so i wrote..HAPPY!!okay well i gotta get ready for skating...bye
Thursday, January 01
happy new year!!
when anyone comes to this does the cursor work? cuz i tried to put a cursor but i dont know if it worked...thats why theres a comet cursor link at the bottom..yeah...goodbye
Wednesday, December 31
wow..i havent written in awhile...because im just ohh so busy..so..how was everyone christmas? or hanukkah? or kwanzaa? hopefully good!! anyways...whats up with everyone? absolutely nothin goin on here..ohh yeah on the date it will say dec 31 because its like a little bit past midnight so yeah..wow...lets see..since last post what has happened...well my family was here till sunday..and ive pretty much just stayed home and done nothing..except gone skating...barely..
ohh yeah..yesterday at skating janet called all the freestyle skaters to the back wall and was talking to us about jumps and stuff and pretty much how much we suck...haha..but anyways she wants to motivate us to practice harder so she said that the first person to land an axel she will give $100 to!! isnt that cool?! but it most likely wont be me..cuz i suck..ill bet itll be sam, then probably andi, then maybe me...hopefully..
alright well im tired so ima go to bed now...ttyl..
Monday, December 22
man i didnt get to go skating...ohh well..i think im going tomorrow...
we got our christmas tree!! but we cant decorate it yet..cuz the whole reason we waited to get our tree was because we were gonna decorate it with my aunt and little cousin...they flew to fort lauderdale today but they are still there...they are visiting my other cousin matt and whoever else is there...so now theyre like and hour and a half away..so they will be here at like 10 when were all tired and they are still wide awake because of the 3 hour time difference..my mom was very mad because they said they were coming right away..which was supposed to be at like 5:30 and then they would be here by like 7..and theyre not..so yeah..she was mad...
okay well i suppose ima go now...buhbye